Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Fractionated beverages
The guy in front of me at Starbucks today ordered a "quarter-caff." The girl behind the cash register seemed puzzled, so he explained. "Fill the cup with one-quarter caffeinated coffee and the rest with decaf." Just as she went off to prepare his drink, he said, "Oh, and leave some room for cream." It occurred to me that by the time all three liquids were mixed together, what this man really had was a one-eighth-caff or perhaps a three-sixteenth-caff. This raised some interesting questions in my mind: Just how low will Starbucks go when you order a fractionated beverage? Is a quarter-caff the lower limit? Or would they attempt a fifth-caff? Would they think you were messing with them if you ordered a 0.25-caff? And finally, at what point does this guy admit that he has a problem with caffeinated beverages and switch to herbal tea?
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7 comments:
They call a decaf-skim milk latte a "why bother", this guy's drink should've been called a "WTF".
Next time you see this fellow, offer him a coupon for caffeine free Diet Coke, aka brown water - that's what he really wants to drink..... Bev
i always order a 7/16 caff, frankly. the half-caff is just a bit much. although if i get the grande, then it's more caff than if i order the venti, or is it the other way around? hey, when you're paying eight bucks for a cup of coffee, you gotta expect the specs to be a little tight.
My daughter works at a Starbucks near Santa Cruz, where she is a junior at UCSC. She calls me at least three times a week just to tell me what nutty things people order! Your quarter caff dude is nothin'!
One woman - I kid you not - brought her own milk! In a gallon jug! And asked my daughter to heat it for her at the espresso machine! It was milk she actually milked from a free range cow. She had to tell the customer no, because god knows where that cow has been.
I wonder if we could start a new movement. The venti 82 proof caff. Three shots of espresso and one shot of bourbon. BYOB
Honestly, I used to get people at Starbucks bringing in and asking for some nutty stuff, too. People would come in with Bailey's or Sambuca in their travel mugs -- and it's against the rules to fill up any travel mug you think might have alcohol in it, because then we become a licensed establishment in Canada. Imagine how pissed off the people would get at me. So I'd fill a paper cup with coffee and hand it to them and tell it to pour it in themselves. Then they'd smile.
I also had people bring in goat's milk to make lattes (no!), their own chocolate syrup for their mochas (no!), their own espresso for their coffee (no!), and my all time favourite, the man who wanted his drip coffee in a baby bottle.
Yeah, right, sir. Can I check your diaper while we're at it?
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