Loch Raven Review

Two of my poems appear in the Winter Issue of Loch Raven Review.

"Yukon" is new, while "Lifeline" was first published at Peeling Wallpaper in February 2005.

Quality Time

I like to read poetry on the toilet. In fact, it’s the only place I read poetry. No other spot in the house feels quite right. And I only read poetry in the morning. There’s something quite nice about starting my day with a good strong cup of coffee, a healthy constitutional and a couple of quality poems. I’m always on the lookout for a poem that will set the bar, challenge me to have the kind of day the poet obviously had in order to achieve that level of brilliance. Not that this happens often. Usually, the poem falls short or my day does.

Sometimes I wonder how the poets I read would feel knowing just where I read their work. Funny, though, I only think about that when I’m reading living poets. Dead poets, I’m quite sure, would be happy to know they are being read at all.

Speaking of dead poets, I just finished reading “Slouching Toward Nirvana,” by Charles Bukowski. This is Bukowski’s twelfth posthumous book of poems. The guy’s been dead since 1994 and he’s still averaging just under a new book a year. I really wish he would knock that off. Doesn’t he know how much of a slacker that makes me feel?

Here’s a little gem from Bukowski’s poem “you can’t make a lion out of a butterfly” about a boxer friend of his:

in the ring
right after the fight
Butterball had told me:
“that guy couldn’t raise half a
hard-on in a high-class
whorehouse.”

And this from “to hell and back”:

Once you’ve been to hell
and back,
you don’t look behind you
when the floor
creaks and
the sun is always up at
midnight
and things like
the eyes of mice
or an abandoned tire
in a vacant lot
can make you smile.

Start your day with a good poem. Just don’t sit too long. It leaves a ring.

The power of 5

Two years ago I posted a story about receiving a free razor in the mail from Schick. It was the Quattro. Four blades. I remember thinking, "How many more blades do we need on a razor." I mean, you put enough blades on a razor cartridge and you'll start splitting atoms! Well, today, I opened my mailbox and there was a brand new trial razor waiting for me. I knew right away. It had to be. Five blades. And I was right. It was the Gillette Fusion. Five shaving blades. But wait...there was more. A bonus blade on the back side for trimming sideburns and under the nose. Gillette skipped right over the Cinque and went straight to the Sei!

I simply can't believe this. I am afraid to try this razor. It is quite possible that I would lather up and, with one swipe of the razor, cut my head clean off - a scene right out of Monty Python. This particular razor doesn't take batteries. That would be the Gillette Fusion Power - 5 blades and vibration. There is nothing more absurd in my mind than a vibrating razor. I can only hope the man responsible for the battery-powered razor is being kept safely out of a laboratory environment. He should never invent again!

Now, having had my rant, I will say that the power of advertising can be persuasive. Maybe if instead of my mailman delivering my free razor...


...the Gillette Fusion Girls had dropped by and enticed me to give it a try, my response might have been a little different. I am a team player, after all.

On the cover of the slick, brightly-colored insert that came with my free Gillette Fusion razor were just these words: "It's Time." My question to Gillette is: Time for what?

"I'll Never Sleep Again!"

Clearly shaken, those were the words my 11 year old son used to describe his first day of Family Life education (aka Sex Ed) at school yesterday.