Lowest common denominator

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Rant of the day

I know that I've written on this topic before, but things have only gotten worse with the merger of Sprint and Nextel. I'm referring to the societal scourge of walkie-talkie mobile phones. It was bad enough when it was only Nextel that had them and mostly businesses that used them. But now telecom giant Sprint has thrown its weight behind the walkie-talkie network and these phones are showing up in the hands of gabby teenagers and a whole lot of other folks, too.

Isn't it enough that we have to listen to the blather of just one person on a regular mobile telephone while riding the bus or standing in line at the supermarket? Must we now endure both sides of the conversation? And then there is that annoying little chirping noise wedged in between the two chatterboxes indicating that the other person has stopped talking. <chirp>

Okay, so it's not the most important thing in the world. It's actually a pretty small thing <chirp> compared to the fact that we are a nation at war <chirp>, that politicians keep lying to us <chirp> and that religious zealots are redefining the nature of science <chirp>. Maybe I'm just overreacting <chirp> to this petty little nuisance. <chirp> It's just that <chirp> little nuisances <chirp> tend to grow into <chirp> bigger nuisances <chirp> eroding away <chirp> at our quality of life. <chirp> Then again <chirp> maybe it's only me that is bothered. <chirp> I look around <chirp> and no one seems to notice <chirp> except me. <chirp> I just wish it would stop <chirp>, disappear like so many failed fads. <chirp> But I doubt that it will. <chirp> Not this time. <chirp> You can't stop progress. <chirp> You can't stop the chirp. <chirp>

Mimes: my kid could be right!

"I'm afraid that one will break out of his box and try to kill me."

- Conor, 10.

Spot the looney

Take your time. It's not as easy as it looks!

Fractionated beverages

The guy in front of me at Starbucks today ordered a "quarter-caff." The girl behind the cash register seemed puzzled, so he explained. "Fill the cup with one-quarter caffeinated coffee and the rest with decaf." Just as she went off to prepare his drink, he said, "Oh, and leave some room for cream." It occurred to me that by the time all three liquids were mixed together, what this man really had was a one-eighth-caff or perhaps a three-sixteenth-caff. This raised some interesting questions in my mind: Just how low will Starbucks go when you order a fractionated beverage? Is a quarter-caff the lower limit? Or would they attempt a fifth-caff? Would they think you were messing with them if you ordered a 0.25-caff? And finally, at what point does this guy admit that he has a problem with caffeinated beverages and switch to herbal tea?